Fantasies of a '24' Obsessive: Jack Bauer is Jewish!

The fifth season of “24” blasted off last Sunday and Monday on Fox, packed with four hours of non-stop mayhem. As a 24 obsessive since the very first episode in 2001, I constantly scan the show for any Jewish angle. The casual observer sees plenty of skulking Middle Eastern killers, but almost nothing in the way of overt Jewish presence. 

24 approached matters of Jewish identity in season 4 with a brief appearance by a sniveling lawyer with a Jewish name who ran into the Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) headquarters representing a terror suspect. On the surface, that's it. 

 What’s a Jewish 24 fan to do? I thought carefully about this during the season premiere. After a glass or two of slivovitz, my mind refocused and suddenly 24 emerged as the most Jewish show this side of “Fiddler On the Roof” with Harvey Fierstein. 

Hang with me here: 

1. Jack Bauer, brilliantly played by Keifer Sutherland, is Jewish because his real name must be Yaacov Bauer. His last name suggests a back-story with roots as the scion of a mittel Europa dynasty of rabbis and scholars. Jack himself holds an English lit degree from UCLA, so you know underneath the tough exterior is a sensitive soul who reads 19th century romantic poetry and loves cuddling up to watch movies based on Jane Austen novels. 

2. Jack Bauer’s approach to counter-terrorism work shows Talmudic subtlety worthy of Rabbi David Small in Harry Kemelman’s rabbinic detective series. After careful thinking that can last at least 15 seconds, Bauer comes to logical conclusions and carefully explains them. In season 1, for example, he executes and beheads a drug dealer as part of a plan to get close to a terror suspect. Bauer tells a colleague who is skeptical of his unorthodox (!) methods, “That's the problem with people like you, George. You want results, but you never want to get your hands dirty. I'd start rolling up your sleeves.” Hillel himself could not be more pithy. 

3. Jack Bauer loves his family. Throughout 24, Jack Bauer’s work intertwines with children, especially his trouble-prone daughter Kim, played by the luscious Elisha Cuthbert. Jack always does his utmost to help Kim out of jams, even if he has to kill, kill, and kill some more. As a good Jewish father, Jack gets to know Chase Edmunds, a CTU agent in love with Kim, although he struggles with Chase's relationship with the hot but ditzy Kim. At the end of season 3, he has to cut off Chase’s hand to stop something horrible from happening, but Chase is a surprisingly good sport about this. What a son-in-law he’ll be! I’m sure Jack, Kim, and Chase will work out any lingering issues in family therapy. Perhaps that will happen in a special episode called “24: The 50-Minute Hour.” 

4. Jack Bauer has a Jewish sense of time. Except for the first episode, which began and ended at midnight, every season begins at some other time, usually in the morning. This is almost like the Jewish concept of time, in which the new day begins at sunset. Jack’s string of “the longest day of my life” does not follow the western concept of new days. 5. Jack Bauer can sustain loving relationships with women. The cliché that Jewish men make good husbands (or at least good boyfriends) absolutely applies to Jack Bauer. Jack reconciles with his estranged wife Terri in the first season, and rescues her several times. True, she is murdered at the end of the first season by the evil CTU mole Nina, Jack’s former lover, but Jack feels really bad about this. In season 4, Jack sustains a wonderful relationship with Audrey Raines (played by Kim Raver), daughter of the Secretary of Defense, who is still married to Brit financial wizard Paul Raines. The relationship suffers a bit of a bump, I’ll admit, when Jack tortures Paul, decides he’s OK, and then, after Paul is shot, lets him die in an operating room because Jack forces doctors to tend to a wounded Chinese scientist with super important information. But Audrey is back for season 

5. The smoldering glances of long-suppressed passion are about to erupt. I am confident they’ll find time to work through their issues and maybe end the season at a Basherte couples weekend to celebrate their love. I foresee Jack reciting “Eiyshet Chayil” to Audrey by hour 23. 

6. Chloe O’Brian is Jewish. Granted, this technology genius's name doesn’t sound Jewish, but that is just a red herring to throw off audiences unattuned to Jewish signals. Chloe is brilliant, a rule-bender, socially awkward at times, and has a dazzling instinct as a stone-cold killer of the bad guys. Chloe’s greatly expanded role in the new season befits her status as an audience favorite. In her big moment in season 4, Chloe shoots a man in self-defense and has this memorable discussion with colleague Edgar Stiles, who is also, I’m sure, a Member of the Tribe: 

Edgar: You okay? 

Chloe: I'm fine. 

Edgar: Is there anything I can do? 

Chloe: I said I'm fine! I am trying not to think about what happened, I'm gonna process it later, okay.

Edgar: Sure, fine. [walks away] 

Chloe: Edgar, I appreciate your concern. I really do. Just when I shot that guy, I thought I'd go all fetal position. But the truth is, I didn't feel anything. At all. I hope I'm not some kind of a psychopath

Edgar: Well, he *was* trying to kill you. 

Chloe: Yeah, but still! 

Edgar: Maybe it's a delayed reaction kinda thing. Maybe you'll freak out about it in a few days. 

Chloe: I hope so. 

 Get this woman on JDate ASAP! 

7. Edgar Stiles is Jewish. Hey, he's got an honors degree from New York University. Maybe he grew up in the Five Towns. Another nebbishy techno-geek, Edgar shines with his love for his mother. When a nuclear bomb exploded near her home in Season 4, he desperately wanted to leave CTU to rescue her from the radiation. But his mother urged him to stay at work and, with tears in his eyes, he agreed. Such a good Jewish son! 

8. Tony Almeida is Jewish. Don’t let the name fool you. Tony has to be Sephardic. His savoir-faire would make him a JDate favorite, as when he discusses a day at the office with his ex-wife Michelle (deceased as of the first minutes of season 5), saying, “So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie?” Tony's character is so important to the show that he warrants his own fabulous fan site. 

9. Ryan Chappelle is NOT Jewish. Try as I might, I can't find a Jewish angle on Ryan's character. He was Jack's boss as regional director of CTU. He was, anyway, until Jack had to execute him. Jack felt sorry about this, as did Ryan. I could develop an Abraham-Isaac Akeda comparison, but that would just seem forced. No angel came down to stay Jack's hand.