You Ain't Nothin' But a Jihad Dog, Killin' All the Time

The West continues to find its voice, now singing through the Velvet Prophet:

With or without fluorescent paint, few things are as quintessentially kitschy as black velvet paintings. But many political leaders in Europe and the United States seem to agree with the Pope and the Islamic community that free speech is what's truly out of style. In response to this officially endorsed cultural intimidation, an international group of brave human rights activists have created the Velvet Muhammad to demonstrate that "free speech is never in poor taste."

The Prophet, who shares a remarkable likeness to the King, can be viewed in all his finery at www.velvetprophet.com - or soon, in the offices of several major Islamic organizations. The Velvet Prophet team is giving original, hand-painted Velvet Prophets to several of the groups inciting rage in Muslim communities. Gift recipients include Jamaía Islamiya, Arab European League, Muslim Council of Britain, Hizb-ut-Tahrir, Islamic Defenders Front, Islamic Circle of North America and the Organization of the Islamic Conference. These organizations, which were appalled by a few cartoons, will see for themselves that the Prophet looks much more dignified on black velvet.

(The Photoshop illustration below does not show the Velvet Prophet Himself (Quaaludes be upon him), but it does depict the loving devotion of a pre-orgasmic Tupelo honey for the King.)

The Velvet Prophet is also available to mere infidels. Global citizens who support freedom of expression and oppose the spread of culturally oppressive forms of Islam are hanging their very own Velvet Prophets in homes and businesses. If some true believers wish to murder us all for the sin of being human, at least give us the freedom to laugh about it.

All profits from the sale of Velvet Muhammad paintings, shirts and prints go to non-profit organizations that either support free speech or work against the growth of radical Islam.

Velvet Prophet organizers, suitably concerned about security, are keeping their identities secret. Whomever they are, they have bravery, along with great scholarly skills to unearth the eerie secret connections between the King and the Prophet. Consider the amazing "coincidences:"

* Both have a cult-like following.
* Elvis built his career on rock. Muhammad built his career on a rock.
* Millions of pilgrims flock to Graceland. Millions of pilgrims flock to Mecca.
* Elvis served in the military. Muhammad led the military.
* Elvis was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. Muhammad also came from nowhere.
* Both had a real taste for virgins.
* Both live forever in velvet.

Paradise for me would be Velvet Prophet on the wall and Bubba Ho-Tep in the DVD player.